The End is Near.

This is not for the faintest of hearts. Read no further if you want nothing graphic. You have been warned. It is the reality though.

I have less than eight days before the date on my Form I-546 passes. Although I am thinking positive, I think it is a human thing to think of the worst that could happen. I have given myself a 20% chance that my visa will be renewed. Come on, I am male, I fit the definition of a "potential disaster" (refer to this blog if you doubt this or this DHS advisory if you think I am kidding), I am poor, I have an accent .... The odds are against me. This country wants no more of me!

Sometimes, I feel like I am documenting by own demise here. Think about it for a second. I am sure most of you know that the situation in my beloved motherland, Kenya, is despicable. People are fighting people. They have all forgotten that they breath the same oxygen and that they all bleed red. They are right, and I support them, about fighting for justice, but there are a million ways of solving such problems. The common man is suffering, while the culprits are being whisked in their six-figure cars (Kenya Shillings) to safety every time there is a fracas. But they have let themselves be convinced that they are defined by their tribal lineages. Sad.

Assuming they dont renew my visa, there is a 95% chance I will be Kenya bound. My family is split between the outskirts of Eldoret and Kitale. In Eldoret, every other house has been burnt and every kikuyu tribe member evicted. My brother told me of how this kikuyu man that I know from my childhood was shot with some nine arrows on his back and his house burnt. This man was mentally challenged and I suppose couldn't escape fast enough. Killing someone is unacceptable in my world, regardless of what tribe, race, gender, sexual orientation, age ... you name it, they belong.

I have come to a realization that this is where I might be headed. It is going to be an early trip since I have one planned not too long from now (I wont say when as it is going to be a surprise to my family). Heck, if I go next week, it is going to be a surprise to me and to them. I am excited in that sense, but I can see myself being slightly friendly to every Kenyan and have my tail shot or stoned or whacked or ... speared. My family did not instill tribalism in me, I guess that is why their village is safe and people are saner.

I am prepared though. Maybe I should say I am preparing. I have made the necessary changes. I am packing up my stuff, not that I am going to take them, but I am just trying to make it easier for my friends when they come to pick it up. I am yet to talk to my land lord, but I dont need to do that as I have talked to my room mate. I talked to my adviser, but she brushed this off and so did my lab mates. Maybe its because I never keep a straight face when telling reality? I am no actor ... but I know I am always smiling and happy. Except when I had iron deficiency. I remember, one time I got in trouble for smiling at some guy. I was about 10. This guy almost beat me up and I had no idea why. I learnt later that he was furious because he thought I was laughing at him after falling off his bike. I had no idea he had fallen off his bike.

Why would anyone (who kills children, as young and innocent as these above, who dont even speak any dialect and care less about politics) care about some random Kenyan in his 20's with education from America? Why, in the first place, are we watching while this is happening?

There is also a chance I will be back.